The hard choice?

So I have about 2 weeks left here with my show in Miami!

And then I am off!

I have some freelance work lined up to do afterwards in Denver.  And I was seriously considering and looking forward to trying out the whole.... regular life kind of thing.  You know, apartment, rent, bills, books, art, friends, regular coffee place, etc.  That stuff. 

But then... these OTHER jobs became available.  A few teaching jobs outside of Tokyo, and two other jobs with Cirque doing props. 

And I applied for them.  And even as I did so I thought... what am I doing?  Do I really want to be on the road for another year... gluing stuff to other stuff.  Fixing things... working too many hours and probably still having no life...  But it's so easy!  It's so easy to stay with the company and to continue to do exactly what I'm doing now.

Which is funny right?  That the easy choice--in my world--is working for the traveling circus.  And the hard choice is working in a bookshop or something.  That is so random and weird but just how the cards have fallen.

So what.... apply for the jobs and see what happens.  and should I get one of them.  The focus must turn to what happens after?  Be it going back to school online or whatnot... and securing something less mobile and more permanent for after. 

Or maybe I will finish up here and go to Denver and do some freelance stuff and love it and never leave.  Who knows.

Back in North America

Hey y'all.  I'm back in N. America... on my way back to Atlanta.

Much has happened since Jesus..... september?  Damn I have goten bad about writing.  But writing in general, not specifically blogging, is part of a... not New Years resolution... cause I think they are shit, but part of a goal I am setting for myself.  I really do like writing, letters, blogs, emails.  In a way, writing has always been my preferred form of communication.  I can be clearer with my thoughts.

Sooo... I just got back from Asia.  I had two weeks holiday to use and some things to do in Hong Kong.  So I went to Hong Kong and Thailand and sat on the beach and thought about things.

See... my contract is up with the circus at the end of Jan.  Yeah.  So I am officially out of work at the end of Jan.  In some ways I am super excited about it and I'm glad in a way that I'll be forced to go do something else and have new experiences.  So I am loosely coming up with some kind of plan now... but yeah keeping it loose.

So I went back to Hong Kong.  And I will write more about this next time perhaps.

But basically I was shocked and surprised as to how I felt about returning.  Basically I returned to this city which I loved... loved so much I really worked towards making it feasible for me to return to live...  So I went to HK this city I adored filled with people I loved.  And I found this... empty place?  Where I thought all the love was?  I don't know I really really used to love this place.  And now to feel nothing.  It's like waking up next to someone you have been with for a while who you love and going... what the hell...

Yeah... but then I left and sat on the beach for a week and now I feel better about it.  My relationships with that city have changed I guess... it doesn't feel like a potential home.

Don't get me wrong.  Hong Kong is one of my favorite cities in the world.  And actually as I was sitting on a friend's terrace my last night there drinking a beer and sharing some laughs before getting some thai street food... I thought yeah, this could be a home of sorts.  But at this present moment... I would have to work too hard to be happy I think.  And not that I am not into working hard.... but I have been working pretty hard to be happy for a while.  And I am ready for things to be a bit easier.

More on this later.  I am in the Toronto airport at the moment and beyond exhausted with a 3 hour flight and about 50 hour work week in front of me.  Yikes.

Sick.... Gross

Hey kids.

I'm sick.  I seem to have caught this moster cold that just makes me feel fluish and icky and gross.  I've basically spent the past 2 days in bed drinking tons of juice and trying to sort it to no avail.  Bleh. 


Not a lot has gone on this week!  I cut and bleached my hair...

 So that's fun!  I was tired.... and decided to go back to being blonde again.  I kind of missed it.  So... yeah.  It was funny to show up at work today because not many people here have seen me blonde before.... so they wee a bit shocked!  And the cut is awesome... similar to the last time I got it done but shorter on the sides because I think in some attempt to regain some youth I have really enjoyed being a bit punkier and wearing a kind of fauxhawk.  Who the hell am I?

 But see it's not so different to how my hair was last year at least in color... This was taken on my 29th birthday when we took a collective trip to Fun Ice World.  Because... that existed.


Other than that.... I have been reading a lot.  And writing a fair amount.  And really enjoying it.  Remember the good old days... back when shit was real?  When I thought I wanted to be a writer or an editor?  Yeah.  Well I don't want that anymore but I do really enjoy writing and reading and reading about writing and writing about reading.

There is something deeply satisfying about sitting down and really expressing myself clearly on paper. Or e-paper?  anyway... I have been playing with some short story ideas and working on a few concepts.  For nothing but my own enjoyment.  And I like it. 

I'm also working on Christmas gifts.  Look at me so forward thinking!  But art is usually a great gift but it takes time.  So trying to finish that up for everyone. 


And... thats about it.  Trying to plan for holidays.  Not so much for Berlin.  But to go back to Asia.  Ill be in HK for a few days and then in Burma... and then back in HK.  More to come on that!!


Miss you love you.


xoxo

On getting old and stuff.

Yesterday I was at work and a girl I used to know came to see the show.  She was my coach in high school.  And I realized that the last time I saw her was 12 years ago… And then I thought… damn I’m a real life adult now.  When the hell did that happen?

This also coinsides with the fact that I joined the company’s 401k this week and got a real life financial advisor.  

Both of these things are things that I have been meaning to do for a while now but just got around to doing it this week. I don’t know how long I will be with the company but it makes sense to go ahead and join the 401k.  It’s basically free money… And then as far as the advisor…. I just don’t know what to do with finiances.

I work for a job that pays me well.  And I am debt free.  Whoo hoo that in itself I am thankful for.  But what am I supposed to do?  I know that it shouldn’t be sitting in a savings account.  So I thought I would do the responsible thing and talk to someone who can help me.  So here I am setting up an IRA and choosing investment options…. And bleh it’s so important and so boring at the same time.

In other news I leave for Berlin in 13 days!  Which is totally on the other side of this whole adult coin!  Because I am going to Berlin to have a good time, take some photos, be in some photos, and get a tattoo.   So while on one hand I am putting on my serious glasses and signing IRA paperwork… on the other hand I am putting pink and purple in my hair and getting all funky to go and take some amazing pictures with a friend who is working in Berlin and who chose me (honored!) to model some of her jewlrey.  Too fun!  So I guess… life isn’t soooo serious.  I just know that in the future I will probably have a job that pays much less than my current job so I should probably do what I can to have my money work for me both now and then… ya know?

And speaking of holidays…. I am going on leave in 60 days.  And I am headed back for another Asia trip!  Many fun things are bound to happen including photos taken on top of buildings, and on top of boats, crazy space age makeup, and general Hong Kong nonsense…. And in the middle of all of that I am planning a trip to Burma!  More to come on this… I am making the plans now and trying to map out exactly what I am doing.  But I am excited.

The moral of the story is that…. I’m busy.  But its good. 

And I miss you guys!

Xoxo

Songs for before...

 Hello world.  I was sitting on the metro today and I swear... when I am in public I really try not to overhear everything that everyone else is saying.... but sometimes I can't help it.  Anyway I'm sitting on the metro heading to the Smithsonian and these two women behind me start talking about how one of them is making an album... or something to that effect.  The kind of punkier one said to the other that all of the songs titles were things that she had always wanted to tell her ex boyfriends.  Fascinating no?  I really tried to stop listening in at about this point but not before she said that the first title would be "Shut up Already." Ha.

As I walked around the various exhibits I thought if I could create an album to the same effect... what would be on it. 
 
And the answer is nothing too bad...  I have stayed friends with all my exes for the most part bar one or two...  But I did think it was a funny story and I would totally buy the album just to listen to it the next time I'm a bit heartbroken and in that fuck you kind of mood. 



Aaaannnnyyyway.....


Hi.  I'm back. 

Yeah... I've been absent for a while.

I've been busy... and absorbed in my own thoughts probably to a point that I just couldn't really share any of them.

I am still not sure how much of them I can share.  Just kind of in a bit of a weird place and trying to figure some stuff out.... more to come on that without pouring my heart out and geting all emo kid on you guys!

So instead I just wanted to share a heap of photos... mostly instagram photos. Of what has been going on here in DC.  I've been here for about 5 weeks now.... living out of a hotel for 5 weeks is new for me... and yikes.

I am off on Thursday and other than maybe a coffee date... I am free.  So I will talk to you all soon.


xoxo

Top row: My hair.... before and after getting it cut.  Dan and Trish enjoying some lethal rum punch after work at a BBQ. A beautiful butterfly I found at the Natural History Museum.  Boots and Awesome sculpture!  And Museum signs.

Middle Row: The hurricane came to the circus!  And we had to cancel a show!  After we already sat the audience!!!  The natural History Museum.  My LEGS... knitting and knee highs!  The Space museum.

Bottom Row: Wolftrap... what an amazing place.  Before Watchmen... super good.  Luke and the light up bowl.  Ohhhh ahhh.  My lips...... I've been obsessed with orange lately!