Friday, April 6, 2012

Happy Weekend.

I listen to a lot of music.... I pretty much listen to music all day while I am doing maintaince. So some weeks thats 50 hours of tunes!

I love that there are songs that bring you up, songs that mellow you out, songs that make me want to cry, and songs that make me want to laugh. 

These all make me smile.  No matter what kind of week I have had.  I think this organization is aces.  Seriously amazingly awesome.  And it makes me smile every time.

So I hope, as always you have a smiley weekend. 

Have a good weekend.



Monday, April 2, 2012

Worrysome worries.

Let's talk about anxiety for a minute....

I read in an article the other day a study that said that scientists have located a gene that determines whether you are a born worrier or not.  What this means in practice is that if you are not a born worrier you have nothing to worry about (though of course you wouldn't be worrying anyway), whereas if you are a worrier by nature there is absolutely nothing you can do about it, so you may as well stop worrying, except of course you can't. 

 Point is... I am.  I have always worried about things, though when I was younger they tended to be about different things then they are now.  But now I worry about things all the time.  I worry about my relationships with people, about my job, my family etc etc...

On one hand... I'm working on it.  I try to not sweat the small stuff as much and let go of more things when I can.  But on the other hand I feel like on some level it's part of what allows me to be good friends with people.  It means that my attention to detail when it comes to friendships is very high because I am generally always concerned with how YOU are feeling.  It also means that I get my heart hurt a lot because I tend to be very open.  But that's ok as well. I just care about my friends.  So when friendships inevitably dissolve or change or whatever…. I always question my involvement in that more than I probably should.  I’m working on not caring quite so much.  See, even writing that sounds bitchy to me.  But I know that I should care less about what people think and sometimes how they feel.  And that I can’t base my actions on theirs…. But that’s something that’s hard for me.

Anyway... I sometimes get frustrated when others make light of my inability to make decisions or my yearning to talk it all out.... “Just make a decision already!” or “I don’t know why you worry about this that or the other,” I know I know I know.  Truth is I don’t know how YOU DON’T.  But I try and brush I off and let it go because it’s easy for them.  Easier anyway…

So, this week has been quite anxiety inducing!  It looks like I will be leaving the circus this summer for real and making a go at it doing something else. 

So I feel like a chapter of my life is ending and I am just not sure yet where the next one will begin.  But I know I'll land on my feet eventually.  The first step is leaving and deciding to take some time to do some things for me. 

So yeah, I have a few months left.  Trying to process and plan.  More to come as it comes.