I am worried and stressed. Actually, no that's a lie, I am on the verge of being super stressed and worried about everything. Can't you tell? Look at the worry eyes, I can't hide them!! Will I ever get to a point where I stop worrying about what is to come and just let things be? (On a side note, will I ever NOT wear whatever I am thinking on my face?)
I know I said I wasn't going to start worrying or stressing until Friday but going back to work today was kind of crazy. Nothing went wrong, the show was fine, but even though I know my department will be ok when I leave and they will make it work until they find a replacement... I hate the fact that my leaving makes things harder for people! I don't want my going to mean that people can't go on holidays back home, or that they can't have as much time off as they would like, or that their days will get considerably more monotonous. Yuck!!
But that is the reality. At the moment we have three tracks to our show in my department, and at th moment we have 4 people who can run those three tracks. It's a big math game, but the basic idea is that at the moment we can swing around and do different things during the day because there is more than one person who knows how to do all of the jobs required. When I leave that changes... so you will be stuck doing the same job every day until someone new learns the job.
Anyway, there was some general chatter of 'soon things are going to be hard' and there is nothing I can do about it. That sucks! I don't like hurting people or making things hard for people and I genuinely try to make the best out of most situiations and be an optimistic person. So while I know my coworkers are happy for me, they will be worse off for me having left... and having that in the back of my head makes me feel a bit sad.
I know they will be ok... It just sucks to be the one who is about to make things harder.
Full full full 10+ hour day tomorrow. Maybe the atmosphere will get a bit better!
xoxo
K
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